I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
