I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
