I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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