You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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