so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
