Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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