My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
