when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
