It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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