It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
