I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
