From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
