If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
