You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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