All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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