Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
