normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They took my balls.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
