went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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