It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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