Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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