Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize