how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
