I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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