it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
