she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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