i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
