So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize