Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
