Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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