Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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