this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
