i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
