we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
