She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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