Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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