So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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