I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
