she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
