Already got asked if we're dating
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think I sprained my soul last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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