Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
