my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
