We won't sleep together?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
