I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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