I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
