At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
