so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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