I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
