I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
this is an emotional support booty call
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
