never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
