On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
