I cockslap morals
Welp...herpes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
