Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
