Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drunk is not a location!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
