maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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