I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
