please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
