Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
