I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
