My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
