u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
