I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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