WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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