I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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