I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I checked into jail on foursquare
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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